Pure Krevil

Who knew? PNC Wealth Management has been publishing an annual Christmas Index for 24 years. Just for fun, bean counters tote up the cost of every item in the carol "The 12 Days of Christmas."

The masterminds of the Christmas Index determine the prices of similar real-world items as stand-ins for those listed in the song when necessary. Those eight maids a'milking, for example, aren't really scrub-cheeked virgins in pinafores, but farm workers earning 2008 wages.

Before you dismiss the whole exercise as a bit of frivolity designed to make NPR listeners chuckle archly into their organic-cotton dinner napkins, take note: although relatively few of us are throwing French hens (fresh, not frozen!) into our carts at Costco, The Experts maintain that the Christmas Index actually does an okay job of reflecting larger trends in the economy each year.

The news this year is not great. Get the full scoop here.

Why, even the lowly partridge is up five bucks, from $15 last year to $20 this Christmas. And if you want a place for your fine feathered friend to roost, that'll be a cool $200: In '07, a pear tree could be had for $150.

So, my apologies in advance, giftees on my list. I just can't swing any of the thoughtful gifts in "The 12 Days of Christmas." In my desperation, I even clicked over to that old retail chestnut, Fingerhut. Surely, I could find some holiday tchotchkes there for a pittance....

But no. These days, they'll trick you out like your favorite Real Housewife in 10 easy payments.

But wait! They do have goats: Seven-eighths-length goats, to be exact. Must be some cute pygmy variety, de-horned and ready for companionship. It lacks the cachet of calling birds, but when was the last time you got cheese from a bird? And they'll cute up any live nativity, for sure.

Thanks Fingerhut, for getting me thisclose to the 12 Days of Christmas.